I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize