peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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