so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize