there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
