Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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