he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
