well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
