mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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