this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
