omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
