I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
