So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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