consequently i now know what mace tastes like
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
