It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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