You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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