i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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