Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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