I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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