I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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