Sorry, I don't speak sober.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
