I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
