I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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