what day is it and did you see me today?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
