Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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