saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
