It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
