sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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