Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
