Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
as a side note pls kill me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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