I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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