I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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