my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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