Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
