cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
