I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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