I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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