just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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