Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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