I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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