She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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