I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
