that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My butt remains clenched, sir.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
