I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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