There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is wine microwaveable?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
