just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
