Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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