Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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