hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
