When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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