I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
