oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
