so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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