he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
