i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
