Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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