I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
