I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There are leaves in my underwear?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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