So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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