Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize