The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
