You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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