I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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