I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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