Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
