Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize