I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
