It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't deserve a penis
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
