I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
